‘For every day that there is sunshine, there will be days of rain,
it's how we dance within them both that shows our love and pain’ - Joey Tolbert

I love dancing! I love sunshine, and on the scorching summer days we are all enjoying at the moment, I also appreciate the rain! As all of the children I have ever taught will know, I truly love to dance and sing. Wet playtimes were non-existent at Trinity - with waterproofs and wellies provided for every child, the choice to dance in the rain was yours!

Even during times of immense pain, I have never forgotten how to dance, laugh and sing. When trauma strikes, you believe you will never be the same again. As human beings we are remarkable. We bounce back. We are the same but somehow different. Losing someone close to you can shake you to the core. I felt this when my mother passed away many years ago. Why, when I lost Trinity, a school and community I cared immensely for, did I feel the same loss?

I have grown and learnt a lot over the years. Perhaps the greatest lesson of all is that you can never really know people as well as you may think.

There is a person, very well known to the community and so I thought at the time, to me. This person would regularly visit me in school for chats and drinks, particularly when she needed help with personal issues.  I was only too willing to help and support. Why wouldn’t I?

My children knew this person; indeed, my daughter was a school buddy with her daughter. Such was my support, I gave my personal mobile number to this person, offering help night or day. Unusual for a head teacher some might say, not however, unusual for me when it came to someone in need. I love helping people, just like I love to sing and dance with others. Just like I love the sunshine and the rain.

I came to know this parent, and indeed her parents, as ‘friends’ and, over almost five years. The cards, the gifts, the abundant words of kindness and support were never needed on my part, though very much appreciated.

This parent would send me letters, letters that said:

‘Dear Pepe,

Just wanted to wish you wonderful holidays! And to say thank you again for your love and support over the last few months, I don’t think I could ever properly explain how much you and the Trinity family safety net have meant to our family and helped us keep positive through this journey. I know we will keep in touch during the holidays and I really look forward to seeing you again in September. Huge, strong loving hugs dear lady x x x x’

This same parent wrote:

‘Dear lovely Pepe,

Thank you so much for all that you have done, all that you do do, and all that is yet to come. You are so much more than a head teacher, you are a carer, a comforter, a listener, a leader, an inspiration, an amazing source of energy, and a treasured friend who is loved immensely. Little did we know when we chose Trinity how much you really did have to offer. Thank you for being there for us, all our love’.

This same parent texted me to say:

‘I can’t find words to express at the moment, but in the meantime, I just want to send you all my love, my support…you are amazing…I am proud to know and love you – friends forever dear lady xxxx (but forgive me if I cry) xxx’

I left Trinity on 18 December 2015. Soon after, it was

gut-wrenching and heartbreaking for me to read a lengthy letter from the very same parent who wrote the above, now stating:

‘In my opinion, this school is managed through a mix of fear and manipulation, which is controlled by the Senior Management Team and colluded to by the Governors’.

This is just one line extracted from a disturbing four-page letter that she wrote which has now been disclosed to me. At this point in time, ironically, I still have no words. I cannot ever express the shock and horror that I felt then, and still feel now.

In November 2015, a teacher, one of many, texted to say:

‘Pepe you are doing an absolutely amazing job as always!!! I know it’s so tough but no more support or time could have been put in. Team T are strong Hun! Always here for you xxxx’

Within a matter of days of texting me this message, this teacher submitted complaints to the NUT about me and the senior team. 

Sadly, I could relay many examples too similar to this.  Letters, texts and cards from parents and teachers. Some of the staff and Governors came to be my ‘friends’, people who I allowed to get to know my family.

Should my faith and trust in others be damaged forever because of these individuals?

‘Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadows.  It’s what the sunflowers do’ - Helen Keller.

I have led many assemblies teaching children about inspirational people such as Martin Luther King Jr., Florence Nightingale, Malala Yousafzai and Helen Keller. The children admired and curiously listened to how, in the face of adversity, these truly inspirational people led their lives.

I distinctly remember the story of Helen Keller being read to me as a child at primary school. Helen Keller wanted to help others and contribute to society, despite losing both her sight and hearing at a very tender age. Helen’s desperate attempts to communicate, and many failures, did not deter her from her achieving overwhelming success. In her autobiography, The Story of My Life, Helen is helped by a lady called Anne Sullivan. Anne teaches her to appreciate her life despite her disabilities, remain hopeful and to always believe in others. 

The sunflower is beautiful and grows to an enormous size. It can be surrounded by other, equally large sunflowers who threaten to reduce the sunlight. However, the sunflower still continues to search for the sun, refusing to remain in the shadows. Helen Keller encouraged others to ‘look towards the light’ and make the best of every situation. 

I cannot keep fighting shadows in the dark, as I felt I did in my final weeks at Trinity. I will continue to look for the light in others, remain positive and believe in the people that I meet.

‘Some people aren’t loyal to you…They are loyal to their need of you…Once their needs change so does their loyalty…’ - anonymous

Leaving in December 2015, I had much communication in the form of texts from staff, including teaching assistants and Governors at the school. The support was abundant, with many stating ‘the truth will out, stay positive’. This suddenly and abruptly stopped in January 2016.

Two people, who between them had over 17 years of experience in working at the school decided to write to the NUT. Having spent many successful years working closely alongside these people, I have to question their motives for doing this.

In January 2016 one wrote

‘I hope you appreciated that I had no option to resign I did not run but no way would I let her be reinstated. If my own wife wouldn’t speak to me what chance did I have…’

The other wrote in February 2016

‘I am not that type of leader, it is not who I want to be!  I am a good teacher and feel that I can be a good leader when allowed to do this in my own way! I hope that you and your members get the outcome that you want and hope that everyone is able to get on with their future – me included!’

Where is their integrity?

I do not believe either of these statements are plausible.  When someone does not have the courage to stand up and fight for what they believe in and know is the truth, they blame others for their own weaknesses and inadequacies.  This happens through fear.  Denying the significant contribution they made to the school, over a period of so many years is absurd.  In my opinion, distancing themselves in this way is simply cowardice. 

These people formed part of the strong foundations of the Trinity team throughout the ten years the school served the Radstock community. I went on holiday and socialised with them on too many times to mention. They too were targeted throughout November and December 2015 during the height of an unwarranted campaign in the form of vile social media, and later, more formally. 

I am fully aware that my departure from the school made those around me behave in different ways. There is no point trying to understand the actions of others. There was no need to tell me ‘the truth will out’ - it will, and is, slowly but surely beginning to unravel.   

I received many texts throughout 2016. These were from the new leadership at Trinity. A leader who had visited the school on many occasions prior to me leaving, hailing how the school was ‘impressive’ and even gave me an offer to become the Executive Head for schools within the area. I declined.

Once I had left I was heartened to receive supportive texts from this person such as:

‘Go for it with legal action, you deserve some luck!'

‘I know you all gave so much to Trinity’

‘I’m trying to defend you all – Ofsted got upset when I pointed out that all SLT/leaders had got outstanding twice before!! Ha ha’.

It is bewildering to see how people change. Or did they ever really change at all?

I am grateful to those who did not change and have supported me throughout.  These include children, staff, parents and people of the Radstock community.

I have never been afraid to do the right thing. Some would say this is exactly why all of this happened. I would not change it. I know the difference we made to the lives of children and their families over ten years. 

‘Blowing the whistle’ is something I taught the children to do. I was the whistleblower for many years and my whistle is to hand.

When I sued a National Union of Teachers (NUT) member for defamation in 2017, the NUT responded by making a referral to the Teachers Regulatory Agency (formerly the NCTL). A breach in confidentiality forced me to set up this blog as the NUT referral had become public knowledge.

I have and will always speak openly, honestly and truthfully.  Soon I will have the opportunity to do exactly this. When so much that is wrong, untruthful and damaging is written about you, you and your team have the right to question these people. 

‘If all the raindrops were lemon drops and gum drops, oh what a rain that would be! Standing outside with my mouth open wide ‘ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…..’  - song courtesy of Barney!

It brings a huge smile to my face picturing the children throwing back their heads in the rain, opening their mouths, laughing and singing at the same time trying to catch the imaginary sweets!

Run outside, dance and play in the rain next time and try it! You will smile, promise!